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Planting Seeds Therapy
Trauma Therapy for Women in Perimenopause & Midlife  EMDR & EMDR Intensives

Online & In Person
Serving Burlington and Mercer County, NJ
(Bordentown, Hamilton, Princeton, NJ )

Trauma Therapy for Women in Perimenopause & Midlife
 

Online & In-Person | Bordentown, NJ | Serving Burlington & Mercer County

You have been holding it together for so long. The anxiety, the rage, the exhaustion that sleep does not fix, the feeling that you are falling apart while everyone else thinks you are fine.

 

What you are carrying is not a character flaw. It is trauma, and perimenopause may be turning up the volume on all of it.

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What Is Trauma, Really?

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Most people think that trauma is about the events that occurred. But it’s a bit more complicated than that. Trauma is not just what happened to you.

 

It is what happened, how those around you responded, how your body responded, and what story your mind created to make sense of these events.

 

Based on the aftereffects of the events, your body, brain, and nervous system learned to protect you when the world felt unsafe, unpredictable, or overwhelming.

 

Trauma lives in the body. It shows up as a racing heart when nothing is wrong, a wall that goes up in relationships, a constant low-level sense of dread, or a rage response that surprises even you.

 

These responses are often not societally appropriate, so we learn how to mask in order to adapt.

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These reactions are adaptations that your nervous system created to keep you safe.

 

It was doing its best.

 

And if these events occurred in childhood, without support, before you could make sense of the world, you had to develop childlike coping skills to deal with big life, adult issues.

 

Even as adults, when life events feel overwhelming and out of our control, we struggle to make sense of what is happening.

 

What most women do not know: perimenopause and unresolved trauma are deeply connected.

 

The hormonal shifts of midlife: the dropping estrogen, the disrupted sleep, the dysregulated cortisol, directly affect the brain’s threat-detection system.

 

Trauma that has been managed or suppressed for years can resurface suddenly, feeling louder and more urgent than ever before.

 

This is not you going backward. This is your body recognizing that it no longer has the capacity or resources to hold it all together. It is asking you to finally heal.

Big-T and Little-T Trauma

Not All Trauma Looks the Same

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When most people hear the word “trauma,” they think of war, death, assault, or a single catastrophic event.

 

That is what clinicians call Big-T trauma. But the truth is, a large percentage of the women I work with are carrying what is called little-t trauma (the kind that is quieter, less visible, and often completely dismissed.

 

Both are real. Both leave a mark. Both respond well to EMDR.

 

Big-T Trauma

​Single, identifiable events that overwhelm the nervous system’s ability to cope.

Examples:

  • Childhood physical or sexual abuse

  • Domestic violence

  • A serious accident or medical emergency

  • Natural disaster

  • Combat or violence

  • Sudden loss of a loved one

  • Sexual assault

 

Little-T Trauma

Repeated, ongoing, or cumulative experiences that chip away at your sense of safety and worth.

Examples:

  • Chronic emotional neglect in childhood

  • Growing up with a critical or unpredictable parent

  • Being the responsible child who could never fall apart

  • Years in a relationship where you felt invisible or controlled

  • Workplace bullying or chronic invalidation

  • Repeated miscarriage or fertility struggles

  • The slow erosion of self that comes from years of putting everyone else first

 

You might be reading the little-t column and thinking: “But that’s not that bad. Other people have it so much worse.” 

 

That thought - that minimization - is one of the most common signs of little-t trauma. Your nervous system does not grade trauma on a curve.

 

Signs You Might Be Living With Unresolved Trauma

 

Trauma rarely announces itself with a name tag. More often, it shows up sideways - in your body, your relationships, your reactions to ordinary moments.

 

Here are some of the signs I see most often in the women I work with:

 

In your body:

  • You are exhausted no matter how much you sleep

  • Your heart races or you feel a flush of panic for no clear reason

  • You startle easily

  • You carry chronic tension in your shoulders, jaw, or chest

  • You have recurring headaches, gut issues, or pain your doctors cannot fully explain

 

In your emotions:

  • You feel irritable or rageful and then ashamed of it

  • You swing between feeling everything intensely and feeling nothing at all

  • You are overwhelmed by emotions that seem disproportionate to the situation

  • Anxiety is your constant companion, even when your life looks fine from the outside

  • You feel like you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop

 

In your relationships:

  • You give endlessly but feel unseen, resentful, or lonely

  • Conflict sends you into either shutdown or explosion

  • You have a hard time trusting people, including yourself

  • You stay in relationships or situations that are not good for you because leaving feels more dangerous than staying

  • You people-please your way through the day and then collapse at night

 

In how you see yourself:

  • You feel like something is fundamentally wrong with you

  • No matter what you accomplish, it never feels like enough

  • You minimize your own pain and tell yourself to “just get over it”

  • Externally, you are trying to look like you are performing well while falling apart inside

  • Perimenopause has made all of your suffering louder, more urgent, harder to ignore

 

If you recognize yourself in several of these, you are not broken. You are carrying something heavy that you have never had the right support to put down. That is what trauma therapy is for.

How I Help

How I Help: The Approaches I Use

I specialize in trauma therapy for women in midlife and perimenopause. Every approach I use is chosen because it works with the nervous system — not around it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

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EMDR is the cornerstone of my work, and it is the most well-researched treatment available for trauma.

 

It does not require you to talk through your trauma in detail, or to relive it.

 

Instead, EMDR works by helping your brain reprocess stored traumatic memories - shifting them from “active threat” to “past event” so they stop running your life.

 

For women in perimenopause, EMDR is particularly powerful.

 

As estrogen declines, the brain’s memory consolidation and emotional regulation systems are already under stress. EMDR directly targets these systems, often producing relief that years of talk therapy alone could not reach.

 

EMDR is available online and in person.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mindfulness-Based Therapy

Mindfulness is not about emptying your mind or achieving calm. In trauma therapy, mindfulness is a skill: learning to observe your internal experience without being swept away by it.

 

We use mindfulness to help you recognize when your nervous system is firing old threat responses, and to build the capacity to stay present rather than react.

 

For women who feel chronically overwhelmed, mindfulness becomes the foundation that makes deeper EMDR work possible.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sandplay Therapy

Sandplay offers something that words sometimes cannot: a way to externalize and explore what is happening inside you without having to name it directly.

 

Using a sand tray and miniature figures, you create scenes that give form to feelings, conflicts, and parts of yourself that live below language.

 

Sandplay is especially effective for women who feel shut down, disconnected from their emotions, or who find that traditional talk therapy “goes in circles.”

 

The play element of sandplay bypasses the mind’s defenses and invites the deeper work that needs to happen.

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Hypnosis Therapy Session
Rock in Sand
Meditating

Frequently Asked Questions About Trauma Therapy

​Do I have to have a “diagnosis” to come to trauma therapy?

No. Many of the women I work with have never been diagnosed with PTSD and would not meet criteria for it. You do not need a formal diagnosis to benefit from trauma therapy.

 

If you are carrying experiences that are affecting your relationships, your body, your sense of self, or your daily functioning, that is enough.

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How is trauma therapy different from regular talk therapy?

Traditional talk therapy relies heavily on insight and discussion. Trauma therapy recognizes that trauma is stored in the body and nervous system, not just in the story you tell about what happened.

 

EMDR and the approaches I use work directly with how your nervous system holds traumatic memory, which is why they often produce results that years of talk therapy alone did not.

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I’ve been in therapy before and it didn’t help. Why would this be different?

This is one of the most common things I hear. Many women have spent years in supportive talk therapy, gaining insight into their patterns but not experiencing lasting change.

 

EMDR specifically targets the neural networks where traumatic memories are stored. It is not about telling your story again, it is about finally processing it at the level where it lives.

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Can perimenopause really make trauma symptoms worse?

Yes. This is one of the most underrecognized connections in women’s mental health. Estrogen has a direct effect on the amygdala (your brain’s alarm system) and hippocampus (responsible for memory processing).

 

As estrogen declines in perimenopause, trauma symptoms that were previously manageable can suddenly feel overwhelming.

 

Anxiety spikes, sadness, low patience threshold, sleep disruption, emotional dysregulation, and rage (that scares you) are all common  and all connected to the interplay between hormones and unresolved trauma.

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What if I don’t remember specific traumatic events?

You do not need to have a clear, identifiable memory to benefit from trauma therapy. Many women carry trauma in their bodies and nervous systems without having a “story” attached to it.

 

EMDR and somatic approaches can work with present-day symptoms and emotional responses even when the original source is unclear or fragmented.

 

Is EMDR available online?

Yes. I offer EMDR via telehealth and it is just as effective online as in person for most people. You will need a private, quiet space and a reliable internet connection.

 

Many of my clients actually prefer telehealth because it means they can do deep, often exhausting trauma work and then recover at home rather than having to drive.

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How long does trauma therapy take?

It depends on the depth and complexity of what you are working on. Some clients experience significant relief in 8–12 sessions.

 

Others, particularly those with complex or developmental trauma (little-t trauma that built up over years), benefit from longer-term work.

 

I will always be honest with you about my assessment and we will discuss pacing together. EMDR Intensives are also an option if you want to move faster. See the EMDR Intensives page for details.

 

Do you work with women who are not in perimenopause?

Yes. While perimenopause and midlife trauma is my specialty, I work with women across adulthood who are navigating trauma, anxiety, burnout, and nervous system dysregulation.

 

My practice is located in Bordentown, NJ and I serve clients throughout New Jersey via telehealth.

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How do I know if I’m ready to start?

A question I hear often - and my answer is always the same: if you are asking it, you have awareness that something is off and you are interested in doing something about it. The bigger question is whether you are ready to make change. Within EMDR, I often tell people that once you see something, you cannot unsee it.

 

But the things you see are often enlightening and you may actually choose to release suffering that has stayed with you for years.

 

Some people are not ready for that. You do not need to have your thoughts organized or your history figured out before our first session.

 

The free 15-minute consultation is a low-pressure conversation where you can ask questions, share what is going on, and get a feel for whether working together is right for you. There is no commitment required.

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Are You Ready To Learn More?

If you have been managing, surviving, holding it together, and you are tired of this pattern, trauma therapy may be the thing that finally helps you put it down. 

 

I work with women in New Jersey online and in person in Bordentown. I am an EMDRIA-Certified EMDR therapist, and I specialize in the intersection of trauma, perimenopause, and the nervous system.

 

Book a free 15-minute consultation. Let’s talk about what you’re carrying.

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