By Edwige Theokas, LPC, NCC, ACS
Self-Sabotage: How the Subconscious Plays a Role and Tips to Overcome It.
Part I
Part 1: Understanding Self-Sabotage and the Role of the Subconscious
We’ve all seen it. We’ve all done it. We set goals and want to change. We begin to make choices that support our desire to change and improve. We start eating healthy so that we can lose weight. We sign up for courses to learn a new skill and get a promotion. We sign up for dating apps in order to find a relationship.
And then something goes wrong.
We binge eat one weekend and keep binge eating into the week. We don’t hand in our assignments and forget to do the readings. We go on the date and begin to criticize our date.
It seems innocent enough. But we are engaging in the process of self-sabotage.
Self-sabotage is a frustrating and often destructive pattern of behavior where a person undermines their own goals, desires, and well-being. It manifests in many ways—procrastination, self-doubt, avoidance, or unhealthy habits that seem to derail progress.
Despite wanting to succeed or improve, individuals trapped in self-sabotaging patterns repeatedly find themselves stuck.
But why do we sabotage ourselves? What many don’t realize is that these behaviors are often controlled by the subconscious mind.
In this blog, we’ll explore how subconscious programming drives self-sabotage and share tips on how to reprogram your mind for success.
What Is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage is when our actions or behaviors consciously or unconsciously block our success. It’s a psychological pattern where we actively or passively prevent ourselves from achieving goals, whether personal, professional, or emotional. This may involve:
- Procrastination: Delaying or avoiding tasks even when you know they’re important.
- Negative Self-Talk: Criticizing or belittling yourself, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy.
- Avoidance: Avoiding situations, opportunities, or conversations that could lead to growth.
- Perfectionism: Setting impossibly high standards and becoming paralyzed by the fear of not meeting them.
- Substance Abuse or Unhealthy Habits: Engaging in behaviors that are detrimental to well-being or success.
These behaviors are often deeply ingrained and automatic, making it difficult to recognize them as self-sabotage in the moment. The key to understanding self-sabotage lies in the subconscious mind.
The Role of the Subconscious in Self-Sabotage
The subconscious mind is incredibly powerful, controlling up to 95% of our thoughts and behaviors. The subconscious mind is like an iceberg, with most of the ice being underneath the surface. While our conscious mind focuses on immediate tasks and decisions, the subconscious mind is always working in the background, operating based on patterns, memories, and beliefs we’ve developed over time.
Unfortunately, many of these patterns and beliefs are negative or limiting, leading to self-sabotage.
Here’s how the subconscious contributes to self-sabotage:
1. Fear of Failure or Success:
Many people unconsciously fear both failure and success. Fear often triggers self-sabotage. The subconscious mind might link success with perceived danger. The increased responsibility, rejection by her family and friends, scrutiny from the outside world, or change about unknown results can feel scary and overwhelming. This fear can result in behaviors that sabotage progress. This way, a person can avoid the perceived risks, the judgment of others, the discomfort that comes with success, or the fear of failing in front of others.
2. Limiting Beliefs:
Beliefs like "I’m not good enough," "I don’t deserve success," or "I can’t do it" often reside in the subconscious mind. These negative core beliefs can drive self-sabotaging behaviors by making us act in ways that align with them. These are often considered self-fulfilling prophecies.
For example, if you believe you don’t deserve a promotion, you might unconsciously procrastinate on projects, ensuring that you aren’t seen as a candidate for advancement. If you believe that losing weight is hard and a struggle, you will binge eat, ensuring that you don’t ever lose weight.
3. Comfort Zones:
The subconscious mind seeks safety and predictability. It prefers staying within familiar territory, even if that territory involves unhealthy or unproductive habits. When you start to step outside your comfort zone, your subconscious may create self-sabotaging behaviors to "protect" you from perceived risk or discomfort, like quitting a new exercise routine or retreating from a promising relationship.
4. Old Emotional Wounds:
Past trauma, rejection, or unresolved emotional pain can become lodged in the subconscious, shaping current behavior. These experiences might make you sabotage relationships or opportunities to avoid experiencing similar pain again. For instance, if you were abandoned in a previous relationship, you might push people away before they can leave you.
By understanding how the subconscious mind drives self-sabotaging behavior, we can begin to rewire those patterns and make conscious choices that support our goals.
Conclusion
In order to make long-lasting and real change, we must develop an understanding of how the subconscious impacts our ability to succeed. In the next blog post, I will share tips for navigating and overcoming self-sabotaging behaviors.
My name is Edwige (Eddie) Theokas and I am a trauma-based therapist in Bordentown, NJ. I specialize in EMDR to address trauma, anxiety, and stress. I provide in-person and online counseling throughout the state of NJ and specifically in Mercer and Burlington County, NJ (Bordentown, Chesterfield, Robbinsville, Hamilton and Princeton). I also provide EMDR Intensives. Contact me to schedule a consultation.
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